Hell No...

I am sure I will have a lot to post about this week....with and interesting conversation going over the role/proper actions of the press here, here, and here. A couple of hearings are going on. And a couple of friends celebrated new additions to their families (Congratulations to Ed & Kelly, and Tony & Jill on their new bundles of joy!).

But forget all that for second, and focus on this instead.

Someone invented this.


I mean seriously....I know gals think leggings are "teh awesomesauce", but come the fuck on....I can not divine what function of this things. Is it, "It is too cold for flip-flops and I totally can't wear sock with them...so I will combine the two!". This had to be thought in some meth induced fever dream......it's like mating a pug and a platypus; violates nature and neither one of them are particular happy about it.....

If I see these in public I can not be held accountable for my actions.....

May the Lord have mercy on us all...

-Cheers

Confessions....

Not gonna lie, I do find these pictures of LiLo are kind of hot.......


....in a Traci Lords sort of way.

That comment may seem like an insult, but it isn't meant as one. It is a not so secret...secret that I have had a crush on Ms. Lords for ages. I can't explain it, but the woman always seemed to epitomized a sort of lost innocence, or maybe it just catered to the virgin-vixen dichotomy. Whatever it was, I found it irresistible. But I digress.....

I know she is kind of a train wreck, but she does photograph well. There is a sort of desperation and longing that she can convey. Anyways I figured I would try to say something nice around her.

-Cheers

I think that milkshake is spoiled.

Dear Kelis,

Please tell me you were hijacked on your way to a cosplay themed party. Or that you are on some serious drugs. Seriously acid has to be involved here.

Love
Roman

What the hell are up with those shoes? I am going to need see some these in live action. Cause I do not believe one can walk in these things.

-Cheers

A Fasion Move I Whole Heartedly Support!

I honestly hope Glamour sticks to this.

I could try to affect a righteous pose on how this is good because it shows women as they actually are! How it is less damaging to women's self-image, and may lead to less eating problems.

But well, that would be disingenuous on my part. Those are valid upsides. The truth is I just like girls with curves. Personally I have no use for girls that weigh less then my pumas! So there.

So down with Kate Moss and her ilk! Up with healthier looking girls with curves who I do not know your names yet!

Rock on wit yo' bad selfs!

-Cheers

She blinded me with....Sequins.

I am not sure what I like the best, the sheer number of sequins or the sequined tie.

It just screams "MORE BEDAZZLE!".

-Cheers

I met this little girlie, her hair was kinda curly....

I am evidently late to comment on this. But because I could be accused of having a fascination with hipster chic, I thought I would at least devote a post to the subject of the "blipster" (it is an interesting photo essay).

That seems to be the chosen nom de guerre for black hipsters. With arguably the most well known example being:

That would be Mr. West.

Personally I tend to gravitate more to the John Legend style of dress, obviously with less success. Sort of a retro-rat pack feel, versus a neo-80's vibe. Mainly because I loathe skinny jeans.

-Cheers

Ties that bind....

A new imponderable for you all.

What are the protocols, for ostensibly heterosexual non-familial males, buying random gifts for each other?

Say you see a splendid ascot that would just absolutely complement his lovely crushed velvet blazer. Is that within the bounds of friendship?

As another example, is there a difference if I were to buy a tie for say, Cation versus Ed (other then marriage and or girlfriends)?

Also if there are no protocols, should there be some?

And don't worry I have a long winded post still to come.
-Cheers

Wonder Woman 2009!

It has come to my attention, that due to my political musings over the last few months my other side posts have been less prevalent (word of the week, fashion-daily, or dick move of the week). That is too bad. I actually really enjoy dishing on a wide range of topics. That being said, it is hard to not write about what is dominating your thought process, especially during such a historic time! But at some point I lost sight.

Also at some point I got really angry. Not sure about what, though I have many posts chronicling that demise (perhaps referring to George Will as a "shitfucker", may have been over the line).

So we are going to try to restore some semblance of balance around these parts like you know, Anakin.

Enjoy your steaming helping of Roman flavored midichlorians today.
---------

As I have said before, and I shall say again, there are some things that absolutely boggle the mind, whether it be body pants, dogs in purses, or golden stripper skates. Some things just cry out for attention.

Take the young lady here, who was obviously hugely influenced by Wonder Woman as a child.


Oh you don't believe me?

Slap a tiara on her, grab that magic lasso and call it a day! It's sort of like a (I can't believe I would ever defend Wonder Woman's costume) skankified version of the Linda Carter classic.

Lets do our skanky check list: Furry boots? Check! Leggings? Double Check!! Areola like markings on a faux-bodice? Skankegedon!!!!!

So I wonder if her super heroine name would be Harlot Lass?

We need to send in a strikeforce

....to save this poor girl....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's like some cosmic deity is laughing at me. I do not know how many ways to say this....

LEGGINGS....ARE.......NOT.......PANTS!!!!!!!!

Damn you LiLo....damn you to hell.

---------edit: Normally this topic could take its own post, but I needed a good counter weight to LiLo. For all my gal pals out there who are fretting getting older. A Sasha Fierce salute to you all!

Women feel Sexiest at age 34!

The age at which a women feels most sexy is 34, according to a new study, that also found those in their twenties and thirties have the most sex - 10.4 times a month on average.

This figure is double the amount middle-aged women have, which works out at just 4.5 times a month, but the research suggests the older women take more pleasure from it.

More than half - 56 per cent - said they enjoyed sex more than they did when they were younger. When asked what age they had felt most sexy, the average was 34.

Once every 3 days. Awesome. Now when I am out and wonder "where all the women at?!" I will know.




-Cheers

AWESOME....part deux!

Some things are so awesome you just have to respect them.

I feel the Princess Bride sums it up best.

Fezzik:	Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?
Westley:	Oh no. It's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

Awesome!!!!

Awesome is all I have to say. Feather boa shirt. Seriously!?!??

Golden stripper roller-skanks!

Today we talk about shoes! Now I know what you are thinking.

"Roman, such a strapping manly man like yourself should be doing more manly things then talking about shoes! Like crushing beer cans on your head or making cat calls at passing women!?"

Well, those are all valuable uses of time, but alas, after a tragic Zima bottle incident, no more beer crushing for me. So that leaves us with shoes.

Also a close friend has asked me to go shoe shopping with her. So, as always, I will be happy to oblige, however I have a rule. If I see any of you ladies in these....I will come for you in the night.

I mean on the whole, I can dig the whole Secret of Isis thing she has going on, not a big fan of the whole one shoulder thing, but I can live with that. But what I can not abide is gold stripper gogo boots!

I mean maybe if she were a Bond villainess, with a cool shtick, like killing men with her evil spinney death wheel enhanced boots! Now that would show some potential! But this....well, it just looks like some desperate attempt to get attention.

Well Miss Spinney-death-wheel-woman, you have gained my attention.

-cheers

Do you use a spatula to get that off?

I post this without comment because I honestly have none. This is like the perfect example of what not to do.


So many questions......

Dear Roman......

Okay it seems we have received a few questions/comments on a previous post so I thought I would single a couple of those out for additional comment:

Brad said,

Ok, I don't mind the formal short and heels look for women. I agree that a nice summer dress or skirt looks great however, when it comes to most women and their wardrobe, items that have multidimensionality, like formal shorts, a classic t-shirt or tank-top, or a pair of jeans, are a major plus.

"Multidimensionality", seriously? Good God man! We aren't talking Einstein-Rosen bridges here! But to your point, you are actually conflating what guys think are good clothing choices and what a girl thinks. Don't think so? Get dressed and then ask your wife what she thinks about what you are wearing. Let me know how that goes for you. Write this down, guys tend to dress for function. Gals tend to dress for cuteness. That is why heels exist; to extract every ounce of cuteness there is there is to be had. Have you ever worn a corset? Let me tell you that thing serves not one purpose but to simulate "perkiness" or as an improvised neck warming device. Other then that completely useless!

Kim said,

Along those same lines, dudes in capri pants. WTF?

Indeed, "WTF", is appropriate. Back in my day they were called "Jams"and they weren't appropriate then, nor are they now. However, some nice cross colors would be sweet!

and finally

Teach said,

1.) You suggest that "there is a skirt out there for every body type and shape!", so what are your recommendations?

2.) Your opinion of the "dressy" shorts is clear, what about the longer knee length shorts (ie. the ones I wore to the Crack Monkey game Sunday?)

1) Well my first rule is simple, it should be something you feel comfortable in. If you are constantly pulling it down or fidgeting with it you are not comfortable. There is just a certain confidence you get from looking good and feeling like you look good. Worrying about whether your bum is showing gets in the way of that. The second main rule, is it should be something you can run in. You never know when you might need to flee a pack of rabid goats so keep that in mind.

Outside of that, it is pretty standard, pick a color that is complimentary to your skin tone. Pair it with a cowl neck shirt or possibly a buttoned down shirt and a nice vest (since it is still summer time), a nice pair of cute shoes and you are off. Remember show as much leg as you are comfortable with, shorter is most definitely, not always better. If you are going for a "slinky-sexy" effect, generally a longer more fitted skirt is the way to go. Recently I have been won over by the high-waisted skirt. It gives a very sophisticated look, fine for business events, but also works for a night out on the town. Express seems to carry a nice selection of them.

2) This question is a dangerous one. I know many ladies think these are just snazzy. I could take them or leave them, though. If we are talking about the longer formal shorts then I say have at them if you wish. The problem is they don't look good on everyone, yet everyone wants to wear them. So your mileage will vary.

But in reference to your specific question, I thought your shorts looked just fine. If you had showed up in heels though....there would have been a reckoning....


Well that's all for this installment, keep those questions coming. And Mike, assless chaps are always a "No".


*One small political note. Paris Hilton finally responds to the celebrity add. And sadly she sounds more reasonable then Senator McCain:

edit-I just couldn't resist pointing out the money quote of the ad, "I'll see you at the debates....bitches.!"

Explanations.....

It seems I have been spending a fair amount of time on politics of late. My apologies! I will not be going cold turkey this week, but interestingly enough last week provided me with an interesting nexus between the world of politics and fashion! So here we go!

From time to time....I get asked, "Hey Roman what are these "Formal shorts" and why do you hate them so?" Well dear reader here is pictorial evidence of that which I speak!


That's right. I hate them because Paris Hilton wears them.

Ok, that is not the only reason. My real problem is one of elegance. Heels, when they are worn make women look more elegant. Check that, women who can actually walk and move in heels look more elegant! They give the legs a certain symmetry and almost force good posture. Shorts with them cheapens that. What exactly is wrong with pairing those heels with a nice skirt? Or perhaps a nice summer dress? I mean, there is a certain logic to Paris and Brit-Brit wearing formal shorts, because they......uhhh...have a...uhhh..problem with misplacing their undergarments. So there is that. Now most of the girls I know happen to have at least a modicum of modesty, the undergarment omission isn't really an issue for them. Added to that, most of them even have very nice legs, so I could see the temptation of the evil formal shorts! "I can wear my cute heels and not have some skeezy guy looking up my skirt at my Hello Kitty knickers! Awesome!" It's not that I don't have sympathy for my ovarian enhanced sisters out there, but lets face it even if you were wearing a burlap sack with just arm and leg holes some skeezy guy would still be trying to sneak a peak at your lady parts!

Anyway, my fear is that, much like the how baseball caps, have destroyed hats for men, I suspect that formal shorts will be the end of skirts. I like skirts, they are snazzy and far more customizable then shorts are. There is a skirt out there for every body type and shape! Formal shorts are for those who wish to show as much skin as humanly possible and still have pockets.

And lets face it do you really want to wear something that Paris Hilton has championed?

On a general note, we are going try something new for this post and this week. To foster some discussion and to fuel my postings I am going to solicit questions in the comment section and via e-mail. For the next couple of days the topic du jour is fashion, so please pass along your sartorial conundrums and we shall see if we can get you some answers. If I get enough questions I will probably roll that into a post on the subject.

-cheers

So that predators can't make out their outline.....

I am not really sure what to make of this. It is oddly hypnotic...From any angle it seems to follow you. Constantly shifting and morphing, like some sort of acid induced flashback. That all being said, I have to give a nod for the "side-cape-over-shoulder" thing. I think capes are much maligned. I really do feel they could make a strong showing, the Incredibles and Watchmen be damned! Nothing says, "I am confident!", like a flowing cape sashaying in the wind......match that with some nice leather boots and you are set!

-Cheers

Beware....

If you see this person, please call the police immediately. Do not try to apprehend...


I am really not sure what to say. There is just so much wrong with this. I feel like this young woman's name should be "Ethel" or maybe "Eunice"? She looks like she is auditioning for the "Real World: Happy Hills Retirement Community".

Oh my god....is that a pocket under her bosom?!?? /face palm

First off ladies, while I applaud her effort for keeping lady parts covered, I must deduct 50,000 points for the lime green-ness of the shirt. Seriously it looks like she rolled out of bed and just fell on a heap of clothing.....had a seizure.....stood up...and tied back her hair with some left over bedazzle strands.

Actually on second thought this outfit would be awesome with some La Gear, leg-warmers and in addition to the head band, a large scrunchy.....

Okay maybe not.

-Cheers

Re: Body Pants.....

Dear body pants and inappropriately used belt,


Waist called, she says she misses you deeply and wants you to come back quickly. Listen to me, she is just not the same with out you. She is cold all the the time now and just doesn't look the same with out you! She told me that chest just doesn't love you like she does! You should leave that trollop and get back to her friendly contours immediately! Chest will let any hairy palm grope her. You are better then that! So do the right thing, she misses you and we can't breathe.

Sincerely,

Compressed Lungs

If I were a religious man, this would almost be enough to have me rejoicing in the streets and speaking in tongues. It is nearly the perfect combination of mind numbing, non-functional fashion choices. All we need are some leggings in there and maybe toss a dress over the top and it would, quite possibly, strike people dead from its absolute fugosity! Ooh...we could use it like that Ark of the Covenant! Where is my DARPA grant?

I seriously can't wait till people start cavorting around in burlap bags.