A woman's burden...

I had to read this post a couple times, and then hit up the links in the article for more information but I am still having some problems getting my head around this.

I cognitively understand what is going on here. But I have problems internalizing how the victim is to blame.

It isn't just an issue of cultural learning, though. It's also a way for women to emotionally distance themselves from rape victims: I won't be attacked, because I'm not one of those girls. Rules give the illusion of control; if you abide by them, you'll be safe. Thinking of rape as it is -- a random, unwarranted violation -- can be terrifying and paralyzing. It's much easier to think about any kind of assault as being predictably triggered, and therefore preventable. It's a sort of armor women can put on to feel safe and invulnerable.

I guess what has me conflicted is I absolutely understand the coping mechanism going on here. Something horrible has happened, there must be a reason for it. Even if you blame yourself, that is some form of control over an uncontrollable happening.

From my understanding, this stems from the intrinsic belief that everything is avoidable. I don't subscribe to that belief, but then I haven't been raped so I haven't had to deal with the emotional and physical trauma that cries out for a reason.

No one wants to think of themselves, as at the mercy of a cruel and distant fate. But I can't help but have even more sympathy for when this happens. I know it doesn't help, but it must be said isn't your fault.

-Cheers